Texts from the Avengers
by Lecrit
Summary: Magnus is in the hospital and he's bored. Very bored. Texting ensues. (Bonus chapter for the Avengers Initiative. This will probably make no sense at all if you haven't read it first.)


**So, I wasn't supposed to post that chapter until Saturday or Sunday but then I reached 700 followers on tumblr and I don't know how to thank you cupcakes apart from writing so here it is.**

 **This is a transition chapter that takes place right after the end of the Avengers Initiative and right before the beginning of part two which I'll tell you more about in the end notes ;)**

 **Warning for a very lame HP joke because I'm a dork.**

 **And here's a friendly reminder:**  
 **Izzy = Black Widow.**  
 **Alec = Hawkeye.**  
 **Clary = Captain America.**  
 **Simon = Spiderman.**  
 **Jace = Thor.**  
 **Hodge = Coulson.**  
 **And a surprise ;)**

* * *

[To: Black Widow]

The food here reminds me of that time two weeks ago you tried to cook steak and it ended up tasting like fish instead.

[From: Black Widow]

That's just rude. I was going to send you a picture I'm sure you'd like but I think I'll pass.

[To: Black Widow]

I've been shot, darling. Don't tease a wounded man.

[From: Black Widow]

Are you going to use it as an excuse to get away with everything from now on?

[To: Black Widow]

What's the point of being shot if you can't use it as an excuse to get what you want?

[From: Black Widow]

Fair enough. Here it is.

[To: Black Widow]

Who's being rude now? Why would I want a picture of Sheldon?

[From: Black Widow]

How cute is he, though?

[To: Black Widow]

Not as cute as your brother's ass. That's the kind of picture I wouldn't mind receiving. I've been shot, darling! Shot! The pain is excruciating.

[From: Black Widow]

Stop being such a drama queen. Here's your damn picture. I hope you appreciate the efforts I went through to take it. I had to sneak up on him.

[To: Black Widow]

Fuck, I miss that ass.

[From: Black Widow]

TMI!

[To: Black Widow]

Sorry (well, not really but still).

.

[To: Hawkeye]

I know you said sexy times were out of the question for a while but does sexting count?

[From: Hawkeye]

Go to sleep.

[To: Hawkeye]

I can't. I miss you.

[From: Hawkeye]

I miss you too.

[To: Hawkeye]

So… Sexting?

[From: Hawkeye]

No.

[To: Hawkeye]

I've been shot! Why is everyone so mean to me?

[From: Hawkeye]

This is not funny.

[To: Hawkeye]

Your face is not funny.

[From: Hawkeye]

Very mature. Are you sure the bullet didn't damage some brain cells?

[To: Hawkeye]

Rude. I don't want to sext you anymore.

[From: Hawkeye]

… I really miss your stupid face, you idiot.

[To: Hawkeye]

Nope. Don't go cute on me. Not talking to you.

[From: Hawkeye]

I'm lying in my bed…

[To: Hawkeye]

Interesting. Do go on.

[From: Hawkeye]

… trying to go to sleep, as you should too.

[To: Hawkeye]

I hate you.

.

[From: Captain America]

Meditating is not fun without you. How are you feeling?

[To: Captain America]

Nothing is fun without me, biscuit. I bring the fun along. Much better, thank you. They reduced the painkillers so I don't feel like I'm hallucinating half of the day.

[From: Captain America]

I'm really sorry about this whole thing…

[To: Captain America]

You have nothing to apologize for. Shit happens.

[From: Captain America]

I'm sorry it happened to you. I feel responsible. It was my idea.

[To: Captain America]

Again, nothing to apologize for, biscuit. But if you really want to make it better, send me a picture of my boyfriend's ass. It's incredibly good for my recovery. The doctors recommended it.

[From: Captain America]

Sorry it's blurry. He was not a willing participant. And MY boyfriend is giving me a weird look now.

[To: Captain America]

Your sacrifice was much appreciated.

.

[From: Hawkeye]

Stop asking the girls to send you pictures of my ass!

[To: Hawkeye]

Come over here and make me.

[From: Hawkeye]

I would if I could.

[To: Hawkeye]

I know. Until then, I'll just ask for more pictures.

.

[From: Spiderman]

So, I'm having this argument with basically everyone because I said Ragnor's code name should be the Winter Soldier. You know what I mean, right?

[To: Spiderman]

Too soon, Shane. Too soon.

[From: Spiderman]

That's not even close to my name.

[To: Spiderman]

Isn't it? I just thought it would be safer not to use anyone's real name in these texts.

[From: Spiderman]

They can't track your phone, I blocked it. As if you needed an excuse to pretend you don't remember my name.

[To: Spiderman]

I have no idea what you're talking about, Stanley.

[From: Spiderman]

One day, I will be strong enough to make you pay.

[To: Spiderman]

Of course, darling. In the mid time, can you send me a picture of you-know-who's ass?

[From: Spiderman]

Voldemort? Hahaha. Also, no. I don't have a death wish.

[To: Spiderman]

I've been shot, Stewart! Shot!

[From: Spiderman]

Fine…

He threw me in the pool but I managed to save my phone.

[To: Spiderman]

That's the best one I got so far. Thank you, Simon.

[From: Spiderman]

Worth it.

.

[From: Thor]

Everyone is trying to take pictures of my brother's ass lately, even my girlfriend, and I'm trying to think you might be the one behind it.

[To: Thor]

Who else?

[From: Thor]

True.

[To: Thor]

It's a glorious butt. I don't know how he didn't have people following him around to take pictures of it before.

[From: Thor]

My brother. You're talking about my brother.

[To: Thor]

I think we should all acknowledge everything that is glorious about your brother. That includes his magnificent derriere.

[From: Thor]

… Anyway… You okay?

[To: Thor]

Yeah, it was just a scratch. You?

[From: Thor]

Same. Although I don't think a gunshot wound qualifies as a scratch.

[To: Thor]

Technicalities. Now that's settled, can I get a picture?

[From: Thor]

No.

[To: Thor]

I WAS SHOT, JACE!

[From: Thor]

It was just a scratch.

[To: Thor]

Do you want to hear about another type of scratch I left on your brother's back the other day?

[From: Thor]

What? No!

God, now I have horrible images in my mind! Why are you doing this to me?

[To: Thor]

A picture, Jace. Now.

[From: Thor]

There. I can't believe you're blackmailing me.

[To: Thor]

All is fair and stuff.

.

[From: Hawkeye]

Really? Jace too now?

[To: Hawkeye]

In his defense, I blackmailed him.

[From: Hawkeye]

You need to stop.

[To: Hawkeye]

Are you going to go all protective older brother on me? Cause I think that's kind of hot.

[From: Hawkeye]

S.T.O.P.

[To: Hawkeye]

No but hear me out. You do that thing with your eyebrows when you get worried about them, it's unbelievably hot.

[From: Hawkeye]

Are you sure the bullet didn't affect your brain? I'm getting worried.

[To: Hawkeye]

Do you have that expression on your face right now? You know the one.

[From: Hawkeye]

I give up.

[To: Hawkeye]

Okay, I'll stop. But for real, I miss your pretty face.

[From: Hawkeye]

Maybe you wouldn't miss it so much if you asked for pictures of my face instead of my ass.

[To: Hawkeye]

I love your face and your ass equally. No need for either of them to be jealous.

[From: Hawkeye]

You're an idiot.

[To: Hawkeye]

So, I'm guessing still no sexting?

[From: Hawkeye]

… Maybe later.

[To: Hawkeye]

How late are we talking about?

[From: Hawkeye]

When you'll stop asking our friends (and my siblings!) to take pictures of my ass.

[To: Hawkeye]

… That's never going to happen.

[From: Hawkeye]

I know.

[To: Hawkeye]

You're awful. I am so proud.

.

[To: Nosferatu]

Did you know poor Sheldon thinks you're a vampire? What did you do to him?

[From: Nosferatu]

What are you talking about?

[To: Nosferatu]

He put your number in my phone under "Nosferatu".

[From: Nosferatu]

I am surrounded by idiots.

[To: Nosferatu]

I think "Grumpy Cat" would have been more appropriate. Speaking of Grumpy Cat, where is my cat? Who takes care of him while you're here?

[From: Nosferatu]

Cat.

[To: Nosferatu]

Was that supposed to be a joke?

[From: Nosferatu]

When was the last time I made a joke?

[To: Nosferatu]

A funny one? Probably 1897, the year before you were turned into a vampire.

[From: Nosferatu]

Why do I put up with you?

[To: Nosferatu]

Because you love me. And I make your life exciting.

[From: Nosferatu]

Exciting? You got shot, you freaking moron. That doesn't qualify as exciting.

[To: Nosferatu]

Shut up, Dracula. I've been shot. You have to be nice to me.

[From: Nosferatu]

You were only shot because you were too much of a stubborn idiot to actually listen to me for once.

[To: Nosferatu]

You sound like Alec.

[From: Nosferatu]

He's a reasonable guy. I like him.

[To: Nosferatu]

You still refuse to call him by his name…

[From: Nosferatu]

Lover Boy suits him. He's head over heels in love with you. I have no idea why. Maybe he's not so reasonable after all.

[To: Nosferatu]

Fuck off, Raphael. You're an asshole.

.

[To: Hawkeye]

Saw the doctor today. She said my recovery is going wonderfully and that I might be authorized to be transferred in about five days.

[From: Hawkeye]

I'll tell the others. I'm glad you're okay.

[To: Hawkeye]

She also said that I'd have to be extra careful for a while and she gave me all the instructions to take care of the wound. I hope you kept the scrubs, I'm going to need a nurse.

[From: Hawkeye]

I might have.

[To: Hawkeye]

Teasing a wounded man? That's not nice, darling.

[From: Hawkeye]

Please, you've been teasing me non-stop for days now, with that sexting thing you've got going on.

[To: Hawkeye]

I hadn't realized it was actually working.

[From: Hawkeye]

I didn't say it was.

[To: Hawkeye]

You kind of did, babe.

[From: Hawkeye]

… I did, didn't I?

[To: Hawkeye]

You know, the doc also said sex was totally okay.

[From: Hawkeye]

I'm pretty sure she did not.

[To: Hawkeye]

She did. I asked.

[From: Hawkeye]

Of course you did.

[To: Hawkeye]

It's your fault. I've tasted it, now I'm addicted to you.

[From: Hawkeye]

This one was just cheesy…

I wish you were here.

[To: Hawkeye]

Just get me out of here so I can ravish you properly (or the other way around, because she did say I should be careful for a while)

[From: Hawkeye]

I'll ravish you alright.

[To: Hawkeye]

I hope you know this qualifies as sexting in my book. I so won.

[From: Hawkeye]

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

.

[From: Coulson]

How are you?

[To: Coulson]

Better.

[From: Coulson]

Good.

[To: Coulson]

Always a pleasure talking to you, Hodge.

[From: Coulson]

The feeling is mutual, Magnus.

.

[To: Hawkeye]

Dr. Chen gave the go so I can be transferred in two days. Are you going to get me out of here anytime soon?

[From: Hawkeye]

Yep. In two days. Trust me.

[To: Hawkeye]

I always do, darling.

.

[From: Black Widow]

Are you allowed any alcohol?

[To: Black Widow]

They reduced the painkillers so moderately but yes. Why?

[From: Black Widow]

I'm getting your favorite bottle of wine so we can celebrate properly once you're out.

[To: Black Widow]

Don't tell your brother but I think you're my favorite.

[From: Black Widow]

I'm pretty sure that's a lie.

[To: Black Widow]

Yeah. I haven't met Max yet so I can't tell for sure.

[From: Black Widow]

You will love him. Everyone does. And if you don't, I'll just kick your ass.

[To: Black Widow]

I've been shot!

[From: Black Widow]

I'm not taking that as an excuse again.

[To: Black Widow]

Fine. And if he's even remotely like your brothers and you, I'm sure I'll love him.

[From: Black Widow]

Damn, you're good. I don't know how Alec resisted for two months.

[To: Black Widow]

Me neither. I'm pretty irresistible. But it was worth it in the end.

[From: Black Widow]

Awww. So cute.

[To: Black Widow]

I don't think your answer would be so enthusiastic if you knew what I actually had in my mind.

[From: Black Widow]

Gross.

[To: Black Widow]

I'm kidding. You know I love him.

I meant like.

A lot.

[From: Black Widow]

No you didn't.

[To: Black Widow]

… No, I didn't.

[From: Black Widow]

Good.

[To: Black Widow]

What is that supposed to mean?

[From: Black Widow]

If you don't know, you're a bigger idiot than Raphael claims you are.

[To: Black Widow]

Everyone needs to stop calling me an idiot. I'm a freaking genius.

[From: Black Widow]

Clearly.

.

[To: Hawkeye]

I'm bored.

[From: Hawkeye]

What can I do to help? (I feel like I'm going to regret asking that)

[To: Hawkeye]

Have you noticed how I stopped asking for pictures of your magnificent ass?

[From: Hawkeye]

No sexting, Magnus.

[To: Hawkeye]

It was worth a try. But for real, just… entertain me?

[From: Hawkeye]

I spent the afternoon with Ragnor today. His ankle is much better so we went for a walk on the beach. I like him.

[To: Hawkeye]

Should I be worried? I know he's straight but you never know with that little bugger.

[From: Hawkeye]

Do you think I'd spend my day planning on breaking you out so you don't get arrested if I was going to cheat on you?

[To: Hawkeye]

You have a point.

[From: Hawkeye]

We mostly talk about you anyway.

[To: Hawkeye]

Oh God. Don't listen to anything he says, he's a compulsive liar.

[From: Hawkeye]

He did tell me a very interesting story about something you did in Peru…

[To: Hawkeye]

I WAS DRUNK, ALEXANDER! I can't be hold responsible for that!

[From: Hawkeye]

You proposed to a cactus.

[To: Hawkeye]

In my defense, it was a very attractive cactus.

[From: Hawkeye]

How am I ever going to compete? A cactus, Magnus! I have no chance!

[To: Hawkeye]

Stop making fun of me. I've been shot.

[From: Hawkeye]

Sorry.

[To: Hawkeye]

Shit, no, I was joking! I'm alright! Don't do the sad face, I know you're doing it!

[From: Hawkeye]

I just miss you.

[To: Hawkeye]

I miss you too, babe. I'll see you tomorrow?

[From: Hawkeye]

Tomorrow.

.

[To: Nosferatu]

Tell Ragnor to stop telling Alec embarrassing stories about me!

[From: Nosferatu]

Do you mean that time in Las Vegas you threw up on a blackjack table and later passed out in the fountain in front of Caesar's Palace?

Ragnor said: "Don't believe me just watch." He's been catching up…

[To: Nosferatu]

Why do I have such terrible friends?

* * *

 **There you have it, my cupcakes!**

 **I'm sure you can understand why this is a transition chapter and why I didn't include it to the main story ;)**  
 **Part two will pick up right after this chapter!**  
 **Speaking of, I'm going to start posting the second arc of the story next week. That's for sure. _But_ the thing is, I haven't decided on a day yet and I honestly don't care much.**  
 **Since I will post once a week at the beginning, I'm offering you to choose the day (except for Monday and Sunday). Let me know in the reviews if you have a preferred choice and I'll work with that.**  
 **I'm also going to do a poll on my Twitter account so you can vote there!**

 **I am not giving you a cookie because I'm an evil teasing little shit but I can give you the title of part two:**  
 _ **Earth's Mightiest Heroes (Or Something Like That).**_  
 **What do you think?**

 **Also, the amazing kamiqueen has made a trailer for the Avengers Initiative and you should definitely check it out because it's awesome. You can find links on both my tumblr and my Twitter account! Thank you again!**

 **Thank you to my wonderful beta (pynchie on tumblr) who spent a lot of time googling "Matthew Daddario ass" for this chapter for pictures that I finally didn't include (and definitely didn't save on my laptop *cough* *cough*) because I suck at Photoshop. I know it was really hard for you, so just know that your sacrifice was much appreciated.**

 **And as always, you're more than welcome to come yell at me on tumblr (onceuponasourwolf).**

 **People who leave reviews get a picture of Alec's glorious butt when they go to heaven. That's how it is, I don't make the rules.**

 **All the love,**  
 **L.**


End file.
